What is a rough jacob compared to a dreamy edward.

I'm an edward fan myself, but something about jacob's character that makes me want to love him too.

I was pregnant when i read the twilight series, (heheh.. through ebook) and I really didn't like the part when Edward took off, and bella was left alone. But then again, Jacob was there to keep her company during the alive-yet-dead period of her life. I hated it, when bella was with Jacob, I kept hoping that by the next page Edward would turn up.

However, when I watched the movie, courtesy of the company (we were given a free pass to watch new moon! oh joy!), it made me appreciate Jacob's character.

I have to admit the gorgeous bod was one of the reasons (ahahha..he is so sexy!! i think everyone can agree!), but it was this part towards the end that made me love his character. It was when bella told him not to make her choose between him, and Edward. Because even if she (bella) loved him (Jacob), it has always been Edward. (ouch..).

But even If Jacob knows that; even if he knows even before bella said those words, he still pursued bella. He didn't give up on his feelings. Unlike Edward, he's not into sacrifcing-myself-for-the-sake-of-the-one-i-love.  He knows what he wants and he'll do everything to prove that he deserves bella, even though he doesn't stand a chance against Edward in Bella's heart.

And for that Hurrah to the stubborn wolf!

P.S. And yes, He is so gorgeous! everyone was screaming when he first took his shirt off! And everytime he appeared half-naked. wew!

Dispensable

Grabe jud. Dili na jud ni tama.

So gibulagan nako siya, and so after 5 days, in a relationship ka na agad.

Wow! How I wish mali ko this time.

When we were together halos dili nimu ichange imu status into "in a relationship".

Always naka "complicated".

I guess, It was the right move for me to break up with you.

It was a sane move.

But man! This really hurt.

I broke up with you because I thought you needed space; because I thought you’d be able to think clearly without me and our baby on your way.

And I was right. We were on your way.

You must have been really glad.

Gosh! Pde paligsan ug jeep one time lang.

please don't waiver...

Maybe i was looking for a real relationship, and you are totally incapable of having one. 

Maybe you care so much about things would impact your life, you forgot to think about how I'd feel.

Maybe It been a number of times i got really hurt, i guess it's about time that i say no to pain.

There's so many reasons... How come i ignored this before.

hmmm..

I must have really loved you. I believed in you, in us, in our so-called love. (which only exist in my head)

I still do. But I have to keep moving forward.

I guess when you’ve had enough, you’ve really had enough.

Like water, we all have our boiling point, and I guess I’ve reached mine.

I’ve always had this insane idea that one day things will be better, and you’ll realize that I’m important to you. And I was desperately hoping that time will come that you’ll become responsible and start taking charge of your life. But I guess, you’ll never realize someone’s importance when they’re not really important in your life. You can’t make oil out of water.

And so finally someone hit me in the head, and I’ve realized that it’s about time to stop ignoring all the signs and, accept that this isn’t going to work.

This isn’t worth all the pain.

I am oh-so-disappointed.

There's a practice called the "midyear assessment" where I work and we used to do it every year right around July or August. It's where we sit down with our superiors and talk about our performance during the first part of the year, revisit our successes and failures and talk about plans on how to improve or sustain how we're performing. Well, the company dropped the ball last year, failing to make this practice a requirement. Since it's no longer required, no one's going to do it--surprisingly I didn't do it but I was preparing myself for it in case they announced that we needed to do it. Anyway, this year I thought we'd drop the ball again, but the bright minds running the company saw that it was a good practice and made it mandatory again. Better late than never, yes, so I'm fine with this being announced at the start of October, the start of the 4th quarter.

I was stoked. I was looking forward to it. I thought I did pretty well, considering how the year started (the team V debacle) and how much I was able to contribute to my department. I worked on a standardized way of gathering customer feedback, spearheaded the standardization of gathering surveys for our teams, assisted with the creation of a few assessment forms, appraisal forms and scorecards. I was quite active--proactive, if you may. I was rejuvenated by the new leadership that my department was under.

But, there was a dirty brown lining in this cloud. The new leadership involved a person who NEVER had any experience in our department whatsoever (leading many to question his promotion as our number one guy). I gave him the benefit of the doubt, despite being underwhelmed every time I worked for him. I always gave him the benefit of the doubt despite the decisions that he's made (which I disagreed with) and with what's been happening all around us. Well, this week, he did a few things that really ruined my perception of him.

I talked about the midyear feedback and how enthusiastic I was. Part of it was because I didn't have to work on any feedback sessions -- I didn't have any direct reports at that time, and lucky for me no one approached me for assistance with my former direct reports. So I was relaxed and had the luxury of focusing on other tasks. The deadline of October 31 passed, and the company extended it to November 15. I had no worries. The first week of November passed. Monday, November 9, passed. No worries. Then came Tuesday, the 10th of November. When I came in for work, I saw an email from our department head, asking me for inputs on two employees that I assisted and met a few times. I replied to his email immediately. I heard Luke Skywalker in my head saying "I have a bad feeling about this..." and the phone rang. It was our department head. He started with a "Can you incorporate this in their feedback forms?", jabbed a "Until what time do you usually stay at the office?" and hit me with a one-two combination of "I think you've had more experience in handling them than I have" and "Can you take care of closing this item for me?". It was TKO for me right there. No walking away from that. So I agreed to do it, but he wasn't done. The bell had already rung, but he still threw a couple of punches. "By the way, I'm on leave this Friday. Can we close this by Thursday?" It was Tuesday night when he talked to me about this. The two employees that we were talking about were scheduled to come in at 10 AM. I came in at 11 PM. Not only was their schedule different from mine, this was on such a short notice. But who can say no to a department head? He wasn't asking me to carry the world. I said yes. I was able to ask their previous superior for help anyway (and I'm quite underwhelmed by her inputs, no offense to her. She should see the feedback forms that I composed back in 2007).

So I was willing to cover for that. But, there's a part of the form where we're supposed to encode the employee's previous goals, and I had no access to that. Only the department head had access to it. I requested for the information that I needed via email, spoke to him on the phone, face to face when we had our so-called feedback session, even IMed him. Did I get what I needed? No. NO. Sheesh. Any other guy wouldn't find a way to deliver. Good thing I'm not any other guy, I thought of asking the employees after delivering the feedback if they still had copies of their previous goals, and they did. Problem solved.

But this little situation/task isn't enough to turn me off completely. My department head disappointed me even further. He asked me to fill in a self-appraisal, where I'd provide feedback on how I think I did. So I submitted a Self-Evaluation Form. He then asked me to transfer my inputs to the Midyear Feedback Form. So I did what I was told to do and sent the inputs back to him. He then asked me to meet with him for the feedback. Guess what? He didn't even bother to add what I had wrote there. And he didn't even discuss it to me! Where's the feedback there???!??!?! All he said was "I added another area of improvement, you should be more visible blablabla." Then we worked on goals. The goals that he entered weren't even SMART goals. Sheesh. And what's really sad is that, I know that my previous superior sent her inputs regarding my performance to him. Did he incorporate that in my appraisal. Freaking NO.

How can I continue to look up to him and respect his leadership if he's like this? Geez. I'm oh-so-disappointed.

I'm allliiiiiivveee. Barely. Anyway, here are my five rants or raves:

• I hate how my girlfriend and I have to settle for a two-seater table when the group beside us are occupying four seats but have not ordered a single thing in the establishment that we're occupying. And right across us was another couple, also occupying a four-seat table. Yes, they were eating. Eating food that they bought from a different place. Talk about fairness.
• After several months, I finally found the mechanical pencil that I thought I already lost. It's a special mechanical pencil that I got when I was still in college, it's sea green (my favorite color and hue) and it's different from other mechanical pencils in that you press a button at the side rather than at the eraser end. I couldn't find this kind of mechanical pencil in the bookstores that I've visited (I really didn't go out of my way to look for other bookstores though) so I'm glad I found it. The rubber coating kind of melted though, which made it sticky, but a little clear tape fixed that problem real good.
• On our way home, the cab driver that we flagged asked me if I wanted to take the service road--I said no, I don't want to take my chances there, especially in the middle of the afternoon, no matter how free-moving the vehicles taking that road looked. Despite the slow moving traffic on our side of the road, I've learned from experience: once we reach the part of the road where the five or six lanes merge into just three, it's going to be smooth sailing. Which is better than what I can say about the service road. I got annoyed at how the driver kept on glancing to our right--where the service road was--and fussing because we were in traffic and the service road appeared clear. Lucky for me, I was right: when we reached the bottleneck, I pointed out how bad the traffic was at that part of the service road and how fast we were moving. It feels nice to be right. The cab driver's disposition the rest of the trip improved.
• I saw four penises today. I wish I didn't. I saw them at a spa, some men are really quite confident with their packages, I guess. Well, I'm not going to show them mine. Still wish they covered themselves up like I did.
• I had a lazy week as usual. I need to start earning my wages soon. I hope I can shake my doldrums away and start running the way I was supposed to run.
  

LITTLE by little, i see each day how unimportant i am to you. What's also hurting is you don't seem to care about your child.

Little by little, i see each day that the only thing that making this work, is me.

Little by little, i come to realize, that the best thing sometimes is to give up.

Little by little, i am learning to accept the fact, that you just cannot trust the person who hurt you before.

little by little, i learn that even if you were hurt countless of times, he can still hurt you.

little by little, day by day, i realize that i just can't go on with you.

Goodbye....

forever.